Are you high-maintenance?

Recently, a client and I discussed the idea of a person being considered high-maintenance. Until delving into this conversation, I had not spent much time exploring what this phrase means. I recall at one time describing myself this way, but I now wonder if I identified this, or if someone told me I was.

It seems such a gendered concept that indicates someone is "too much". Many of us have been socialized to believe that asking for what we want and asserting our needs means we are somehow inappropriate, demanding, over the top, too much and dramatic. We are bitchy, bossy, or acting like a diva. It also suggests that someone needs to be taken care of and "maintained" to a certain standard. Like a car that needs an oil change every 5,000-7000 miles. It would definitely save time and energy if someone else picked up my car and drove it to the mechanic, but seems like I may have to do that one on my own.

Maybe it's just the words that are used. We are encouraged to maintain our physical and mental health, our belongings, businesses, clothes, relationships. But applying that perspective to maintaining another person, specifically those who don't need any sort of assistive care, seems an interesting concept. In the context of relationships, I wonder if it would be healthier to focus on supporting and encouraging others, rather than feeling the burden of maintenance. I'd rather be loved, respected, appreciated, acknowledged, validated, comforted. If that means I am high-maintenance, then so be it.

What do you think? What level of maintenance do you require? -Dr. B